By Pat O’Malley
(story first accepted and published by https://www.theweirdandwhatnot.com)
It was a calm, cloudy morning in the misty Catskill Mountains. Clouds floated lazily through the towering rocky mountains and grassy hills that poked out of them. Driving through one of these clouds on the mountain road was a red Volkswagen. Around and around, the red bug drove on winding roads and sharp turns that would induce nausea and dizziness in even the steadiest of drivers.
Eventually, and after some very careful maneuvering, the Volkswagen conquered the dizzying roads and reached the top of the mountain. Behind the wheel, dressed in her dark business suit fresh from the dry cleaner, was a woman named Rubina. Sipping from her chai latte, she glanced over at her car’s GPS navigation. ETA was in twenty minutes. Soon, she would be in Mooresville where the bank—Sun Hammer Financial Center—was waiting for her scheduled audit.
The representatives of Sun Hammer had tried desperately to schedule the audit for an over the phone interview, but Rubina’s superiors were insistent that the audit was to be done in person. After she looked over the bank’s financial records, she could certainly see why. The numbers for the bank’s earnings didn’t compute at all with the rest of the bank’s allotted budget, not to mention evidence of several clandestine deposits categorized in sloppy receipts.
Rubina didn’t enjoy confrontations. Conducting interviews could be awkward, and it wasn’t uncommon for the people she was auditing to ask her to speak more clearly; her Indian accent was apparently a language barrier. All she wanted was to do her job the best that she could. It could be a real nasty business, but that was part of the job description. She had dealt with hostility, pleas for sympathy, and threats of legal action, but she had responsibilities to her employers, and she never backed down. If that made her cold-hearted, then so be it.
Before she left for the Catskills, her supervisor told her every vital detail about Sun Hammer and how she was to proceed.
“Tell us again what we need you to do,” her supervisor asked at the end of the debriefing.
“Sun Hammer needs to be held accountable,”
“Can you do it?”
Sun Hammer would be the ninth bank that Rubina audited. All previous audits followed the same mundane routine; a series of questions and observations that often resulted in awkward stares and uncomfortable silences. This time, however, was going to be much different. Driving towards the bank, she found herself becoming increasingly anxious about this audit.
Soon, with the help of her GPS, she had arrived in Mooresville. Luckily, the bank itself wasn’t hard to find. It seemed almost as if the bank was the focal point of the whole town.
After parking by a shop with a sign that read “Penguin Ski & Snowboarding,” she walked towards the bank, struggling not to stare in awe as she took in the bank’s magnificent exterior. Whereas most 21st century banks adopted a minimalist design of gray stone with a standard sterile interior, Sun Hammer looked like a bank straight from the nineteenth century. Four stone pillars stood before the entrance, holding up a red cobblestone roof. Above the pillars, in the center of the bank was a stained-glass window portraying a golden chalice surrounded by shining diamonds and emeralds.
Underneath the stained glass, written in the golden type of font usually found on treasure maps, were the words Sun Hammer. The building was so beautiful, it took Rubina’s breath away. Pushing through one of the glass doors, Rubina walked into the bank.
Once inside, the SEC agent saw a couple of ATM machines stationed by the corner of the bank. Somehow, the modern appearance of the ATM and their glowing electronic windows wasn’t jarringly out of place with the almost-archaic beauty of Sun Hammer. Standing on the red-carpeted floor was a line of people that lead up to a mahogany counter where several bank tellers stood assisting customers. She waited patiently in line with everyone else as she rehearsed what she was going to say in her head. Thankfully, the line was moving quickly. Service seemed to be swift at Sun Hammer.
Soon, the only person ahead of her was a dark-haired, dashing man with a heavy jingling backpack. Interesting enough, he was also covered in a large amount of dirt and tiny bits of spider webs.
In his hands, the man was presenting the bank teller with what looked to be a red shining ruby carved in the shape of a parrot. The customers in line behind Rubina looked on, fascinated by the unusual gem. As the man spoke with the teller, the red ruby eyes of the bird stared indifferently at her and the rest of the line.
“All right, and which account would you like this deposited in Cliff?”
“The usual. Listen, can we skip the legal jargon? I need to get the Ruby Parrot off the grid fast. That decoy I gave Esposito and his gang won’t fool him for long.”
“Shouldn’t be too big a problem. I’ll have someone come right away to store that bird, and while I do this, can I help who’s next?” the teller looked over at Rubina.
“Good morning, my name is Rubina Saanvi. I’m with the SEC, and I think you’ve been expecting me,” Rubina flashed the teller her SEC ID badge.
Blood drained from the teller’s face. He was a skinny man, around her age, dressed in a dark suit and tie. He wore glasses on the front of an oval shaped head that, ironically, had been shaved to avoid looking like he was balding. The other bank tellers to the right of him looked on anxiously as if they too had been dreading this moment.
“Oh I-I’m sorry. Yes, you’re absolutely right, we have been expecting you! Welcome to Sun Hammer Financial Center! My Gary is name, I mean my name is Gary! Sorry, I’m a bit of a spaz today. Long weekend!” He laughed anxiously.
“Nervous about something?” she asked.
“What? Nervous? Me!? I’ve never been calmer in my life! Come right this way, I’ll show you around and we can get this audit started. Sorry, Cliff, like I said someone will be with you in just a second to help you with that bird.”
“Terrific,” grumbled Cliff as he held the priceless bird.
The handsome, dirt covered man shared a brief smile with Rubina as she pulled out a clipboard and pen from her purse, crossed the mahogany desk, and followed the teller to begin the audit. Together, the two walked to the part of the bank where customers were forbidden to enter. It wasn’t long before they were nearing the vaults.
“It’s not every day one sees such an extraordinary treasure like that man’s jewel,” Rubina said.
“Oh, that paperweight Cliff’s holding has nothing on the Emerald Penguin some Innuit fisherman brought in last week.”
“So, it’s common for the bank to receive such colorful deposits?”
“Sure, we get all sorts of eccentric millionaires, adventurers, archaeologists, and beyond at Sun Hammer because they know we’re the only ones who can safely store their rare valuables.”
“I see, so when one customer brings in a Ruby Parrot and another brings in say a golden harp, is there a difference when categorizing each article or are they all lumped together into the same vault?”
“Every item that comes into Sun Hammer is documented accordingly. If there is something particular about the deposit, such as its, um, shall we say, size? Then that would be placed in specific vaults.”
“M-hmm,” she jotted something down on her clipboard.
Unlike everything else about Sun Hammer, the inside vaults weren’t anything too imaginative. These were typically the kind of metal vaults used by nearly every bank in the country and outside. All along the corridor of the back office were giant chrome metal boxes that stored thousands of dollars, bonds, and stock shares.
“As you can see, our vaults are composed of solid titanium steel and very secure. So secure, in fact, that there hasn’t been a single attempted robbery in the entire history of Sun Hammer’s operations.” The teller smiled proudly.
Rubina walked down the hallway, peering into each room, and gave each of the metal vaults a quick glance. Looking on, the teller appeared to relax as he watched the SEC agent smile and nod in a satisfactory manner at each vault.
“Impressive display. I know that I wouldn’t be worried if I stored my cash here,” she said.
“I know, right? Actually, hold on. You know what? I really am a spaz. I totally forgot I had something to give you!”
Spinning around, the teller beelined to an office at the end of the hallway. A moment later, the teller emerged holding a large manila folder in his hands. After running back down the hallway with an eager smile on his face, he handed the folder over to her.
“I understand that a large part of this audit is due to some inconsistencies made in our annual reports. Wouldn’t you know it, that lousy financial calculating software we installed still has some bugs in it? If you read this new report, you’ll find that all of our receipts and finances have been corrected.”
Flipping through the pages, Rubina skimmed through the new documents. To the best of her knowledge, the errors in the original report had indeed been remedied. Any financial advisor worth their degree would see the report and say it was a lucid, detailed account on the earnings of any successful bank. Unfortunately for Sun Hammer, she knew the horrifying truth. Closing the folder, she placed the document into her purse.
“Well then, perhaps my trip to the Catskills may have been for nothing,” Rubina said, smiling.
“It’s perfectly all right. Everyone here at Sun Hammer is always happy to cooperate with the SEC,” the teller said.
“I’m happy to hear that. Let’s see now, I have almost everything I need to mark this audit complete. I just need two more things, then I can go on my way.”
“Excellent! I have everything you need ready and available.”
“Good, then first I would like to see the rest.”
The teller’s smile cracked.
“The rest? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“I think you do. In all fairness, you and the rest of the staff should be commended on the vaults, they really do look authentic. Good for drawing attention away from the real valuables that are under our feet.”
“I—I’m not following you.”
“Do not patronize me, sir. If you want to make this audit disappear, then you’ll need to lead me to the rest of the money. Otherwise, I’ll come back next week with a subpoena. It’s your choice.”
“W-wasn’t there a second thing you wanted?” Gary was tugging at his tie; he had begun to sweat.
“I’d like to have a word with your boss.”
“Oh, did I not mention? I am the manager.”
“Yes, I’m sure you all worked out quite the little arrangement. You or one of your co-workers play the face, handle the customers, and take home some golden coins, all while he pulls the strings from down below. My point is, we know, Gary. Everyone at the SEC knows about what really lies beneath this building.”
Rubina always relished this moment. There was always a brief but sublime moment when someone’s face changed to pure dread, when the listener heard the absolute worst thing they could hear and all pretenses of decorum had been discarded and all that was left was a vaguely human-shaped mask of primal fear. That mask was now on Gary, staring directly at Rubina.
“Y-you’re crazy! I don’t know what you’re high on, but I’m going to call and report you to the SEC!”
“Go right ahead, you’ll get the same answer. But if that’s your response, then I’ll go. You’ll be hearing from us soon. Enjoy telling your boss how well the audit went.”
She walked towards the exit as if she were actually going to leave. She even made it so far as halfway through the hallway’s entrance before a panicked voice called out to her.
She turned around and met Gary’s eyes with an expectant look on her face.
“Follow me,” his voice had dried into a whisper.
As they walked past the vaults, the ominous sound of both of their expensive shoes tapping on the clean tile floors filled the air. At the end of the hallway, they opened and walked through a small door. Inside was an otherwise average looking office. The wall to the right was lined with bookcases and straight ahead was a desk with a silver, Mac desktop computer resting on it.
The teller walked over behind the desk and reached for a thermostat on the wall. Flipping open the thermostat revealed an electric keypad which the teller pressed a series of beeps into. By Rubina’s count, the combination was over a dozen numbers long.
With a final beep, something behind the wall clicked, and with a grinding sound, the wall suddenly slid open, revealing an entrance. The pair were greeted by a gust of cold wind that blew out from the passageway. The change was surreal; only a moment ago there’d been a blank wall, and now a frightening cavernous entrance had appeared in the middle of this cluttered office, leading down into a dark subbasement of the bank.
“It’s pretty dark down there—we’ll need these,” the teller reached into the desk and pulled out a torch and matches.
“Shall we?” She extended her arm towards the howling abyss.
The teller looked on at the darkness anxiously, he seemed desperate for any excuse to stall.
“Ms. Saavni, Rubina, right? Look, we really don’t have to do this. Why don’t we all just go on about our business? Please, for God’s sake, just submit those data sheets I gave you! I’m begging you, don’t make me take us to him.”
“We can discuss all of this downstairs with your boss.”
As she said this, a tremor of fear jolted her body. She had been claustrophobic and afraid of the dark all her life, but she’d known exactly what she was getting herself into when she drove to the Catskills. Time was money, and she didn’t have time to be afraid. Turning his fearful head towards the passageway, the teller gulped nervously as he lit the torch, and the two entered the doorway and walked down the staircase.
Down into the dark.
As they journeyed into the underground, the amber glow of the torch revealed step after step, each one spiraling deeper into the gloom. Occasionally, the teller would swing the torch irritably at some bats that came screeching out from the dark, like one might shoo a fly. Rubina hardly noticed the bats; she had much bigger things on her mind.
After a long walk down the spiral staircase, the two made it to the underground. Ahead of them was a dark tunnel that led towards a tiny, pale-blue light in the distance. They followed the light until they eventually came upon its source.
In the center, beneath another tunnel entrance, was a man sitting at an office desk. An arching doorway, with strange ancient runes carved into the stone frame, stood above the desk. A very large and very sharp looking sword stood propped up against the desk. A tall skinny man with a long red beard, wearing what appeared to be heavy chainmail armor, sat at the desk. The heavily armored man had his dimply lit face leaning on his gauntleted fist. The dim light on his face came from his phone as he absentmindedly scrolled through it with a bored expression on his face.
Staring irritably at the armored man, the teller coughed.
“Huh? What? Halt!” The bearded man dropped his phone and sprang for his sword, only to trip over himself, landing in the dirt with a loud clanking of his heavy armor.
“It’s just me, Dennis”, the teller said.
“Gary? What the hell, man? You know I’m ever vigilant. You can’t be sneaking up on me like that!” the man was having trouble getting up. He was rocking on his back flailing his arms and legs, like a turtle turned on its shell.
“We have—oof—a visitor,” the teller let out a groan as he helped pull the armored man back to his feet.
“Her. She’s here for the audit.”
“Ohhhhh right. Hi, I’m Dennis” the bearded man sheepishly extended his gauntlet at Rubina.
“Rubina Saavni, SEC. I take it you’re with security?” she smiled as she shook his hand.
“That’s right! Dennis Pepper: professional obstacle! I’ve got this whole system where anytime someone unauthorized wants to get past me, I ask them a riddle. If they answer it correctly, they go in. They answer incorrectly, then they can either turn around or eat steel.”
“Intriguing. I don’t suppose you could tell me this riddle?”
“It goes like this ‘What’s once in a second, twice in a—“
“Is the answer the letter E?”
“M-hmm,” she frowned as she took out her notepad and jotted something down.
“That’s just one riddle! I have a whole arsenal! Did I mention that I’m also really good at Microsoft Excel! Tell her Gary!” The armored man was growing increasingly frantic.
“We’ll talk about this later,” growled the teller.
“Your boss is through this way, yes?” Rubina started walking through the entrance.
The armored obstacle just nodded dumbly.
“Aren’t you coming?” She turned back, looking at the teller.
“Oh um, w-well you said this is between you and our boss. I uh—wouldn’t want to get in the way of things, so I’ll just be right here,” the teller laughed anxiously.
“Very well, this shouldn’t take long.”
Taking a deep breath, Rubina stepped past the ancient runes and headed into the tunnel. Following a glittering light straight ahead, she walked further until she came upon a vast room, where suddenly it wasn’t so dark. There was no mistaking it, this was the room she was looking for. She stared in awe at a room whose size seemed to defy physics. Deep beneath the carpeted floors of Sun Hammer was a cavern the size of several football fields. An impossible cave of unexplainable beauty; the type of sight that you might glimpse only in dreams.
Treasure—shining, glittering treasure—was everywhere. As far as the eye could see, there was gold, diamonds, and jewels piled on top of each other. It was like staring at sand dunes made of hundreds of lottery jackpots. She was surrounded by priceless valuables that looked to come from all corners of the world. There were opened pirate chests, overflowing with golden coins, a golden sarcophagus of some forgotten Pharaoh, decorated with ancient rubies beneath a content golden face. Adjacent to the sarcophagus, an ancient golden sculpted ox stared on indifferently towards pyramids made entirely out of stacks of one-hundred dollar bills. Anyone coming within arm’s reach of such a tempting sight could be forgiven for becoming mad with greed and racing to stuff their pockets in a frenzy.
Only once their pockets were full would they notice just how swelteringly hot it was inside the pit.
In the corner of her eye, Rubina also caught a look at the pile of charred human skulls and bones lying amongst the priceless valuables.
Slowly, from the depths of the enormous treasure cave, came a slow grumble. That grumble quickly turned into a ferocious roar that rattled the earth and echoed through the cavern. Rubina covered her ears as the roar became an inhuman screeching scream. She prayed that the scream wouldn’t burst her eardrums. It was the scream of a dark forbidden language that mankind was never meant to know.
Shifting in the darkness beyond the treasure, there came two golden slits that unfolded into thin black pupils, reminding Rubina of feline eyes. Then, in a terrifying lunge, a giant reptilian head the size of a school bus shot out from the dark. Thundering with each step, the obsidian scales covering its body made the giant lizard stand out like a sinister, crawling shadow amongst the shining colorful treasure. Terribly sharp bronze spikes poked out from behind the creature’s head, continuing onto its back, acting as a divider for the two large twitching leather wings that flexed in agitation.
Screeching still, the beast suddenly began to cough and make a choking sound. And large fireballs shot out from its maw with each burst. The creature seemed to make a noise as though it were clearing its throat. Finally, it stopped, and those golden cat eyes turned towards the SEC agent.
“SORRY, MORNING BREATH,” the towering monstrosity leered as flames billowed from its nostrils.
“IN THE AEONS BEFORE THE UNIVERSE TOOK FORM, THE OLD ONES NAMED ME YAM-NAHAR. IN THE TIME OF MAN, THEY NAMED ME BRENDICROIT, THE DARK. TODAY, YOU MAY KNOW ME AS THE GENERAL MANAGER OF SUN HAMMER FINANCIAL CENTER. HOW MAY I HELP YOU?” It was a deep, gravelly voice that brought with it a smell of burning tar.
“Rubina Saanvi, and I’m from the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission in regard to an audit,” she instinctively flashed her ID.
“MERLIN’S TITS. THAT WAS TODAY? WHERE’S GARY? DIDN’T HE GIVE YOU THAT NEW REPORT?”
“Yes, the new report you had written up was excellent. You’d never guess what it was masking. Unfortunately, we’ve been tracking your actual records and we’ve noticed huge discrepancies in your earnings and inventory. According to our reports, there is too little to show for the vast amount of riches that go into this bank. Also, keeping your bank’s deposits haphazardly in a giant underground cave is generally frowned upon by the SEC.”
“OH DEAR, THAT SOUNDS SERIOUS,” it chuckled the way Rubina always imagined the monster under her childhood bed did. “WOMAN, PERHAPS I DIDN’T MAKE MYSELF CLEAR. I AM BRENDICROIT, SON OF JORMUNGAND, THE MIDGARD SERPENT WHO BROUGHT ABOUT THE ANCIENT GOD’S DESTRUCTION AT RAGNAROK. MANKIND ONLY EVER DARED TO LEAVE YOUR CAVES BECAUSE I GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF FIRE! DESPAIR, FOR I WAS THE ONE WHO ATE BEOWULF!”
“That reminds me, we also have yet to see any qualification for you to manage a bank in the first place,” Rubina tried not to break eye contact as she slowly reached for something in her bag.
“IMPOSSIBLE! I TOOK AN ONLINE COURSE!”
“You know that you’re operating an illegal bank. The increase in business isn’t just treasure hunters. Now, normal hard-working people are creating accounts with you and having their money tossed into a huge pile of gold.”
“HMMRPH. I WOULDN’T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND. ANY FOOL CAN GO OUT SEARCHING FOR TREASURE LIKE A DRUNKEN SEA CAPTAIN, BUT IT TAKES REAL BRAINS TO HAVE THE TREASURE BROUGHT TO YOU. CREATING A BANK AS SECURE AS SUN HAMMER WAS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO THE LITTLE PEOPLE OF THIS LITTLE TOWN. WHAT OF IT IF A FEW DOLLARS GOT LOST IN THE TIDE? NOBODY GOT HURT.”
“Nobody?” Rubina gestured towards the pile of charred human bones.
“HONESTLY, MUST I EXPLAIN THE JOY THAT COMES FROM TELLING AN EMPLOYEE ‘THEY’RE FIRED’ RIGHT BEFORE INCINERATING THE FLESH FROM THEIR TINY BONES?”
“I see, so am I to understand that a factor in terminating your employees is a love for puns?”
“ER . . . YES?”
“M-hmm.” Rubina made a disapproving face as she jotted down something on her clipboard.
That hideous screeching roar returned.
“I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS! TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR AUDIT! NOW BURN! BURN LIKE ALL THE OTHERS!”
Flapping its wings, the roaring mass of black scales and bronze spikes hissed a torrent of hellish fire. The flames were hotter than any flame known to man and they were heading straight towards Rubina. In a few seconds, she would join the pile of crispy human remains on the floor.
Or she would have if she didn’t have the flute.
As she felt her eyebrows singe, Rubina brought the ancient flute to her mouth. She ignored the taste of dust and tree bark and blew a single shrill note. As the penetrating sound of the flute rang in the treasure cavern like hell’s teakettle, the flames suddenly curved away from her, almost as if the creature’s hell breath knew that it wasn’t welcome.
“WAIT . . . WHAT?” The fire-breathing lizard stared, dumbfounded.
With her eyes closed, Rubina continued to blow the three single notes. It was the tune of Hot Cross Buns: the only song she knew how to play on the recorder. The flute sounded severely out of tune, but it did its job. The ancient reptile’s fire twisted and danced all around Rubina, forming intricate shapes and patterns, but not once did they burn her. The soaring jet of fire twirled around her a few more times before combining into a large fireball above the sea of jewels and exploded into a powerful display of autumn colored fireworks.
Given the monster’s face, it might have been difficult to discern, but from where she stood, Rubina knew that for the second time today, she was staring at a look of unspeakable dread.
“WHERE . . . DID YOU GET—”
“Hold still and listen,” Rubina blew another note from the flute.
In a single spasm of muscles, the bronze spiked body suddenly froze in place. Rigor mortis couldn’t have done a better job. Like a predator caught in a trap, the creature hissed and struggled to move but it was all in vain.
“The SEC has been around for a long time,” she explained calmly as she lowered the legendary flute of H. R. Belphegor the Dragon Tamer from her lips.
“Do you understand now, Brendicroit? You were never going to escape the SEC. We know everything about you. I was sent here to hold you accountable, and I’m very good at my job,” she tried to appear in control, but her hands were trembling, and her heart was pounding like a jackhammer.
“RELEASE ME, WOMAN, OR—”
“Roll over,” she blew another shrill note.
“WHAT? NO! DAMN YOU!”
The fire-breathing terror began rolling in the treasure beneath him. The pyramids made of hundred dollar bills were knocked over as he steamrolled over the treasure dunes. Golden coins and rubies were scattering everywhere.
“Enough,” she said
The giant reptile stopped mid-roll on its back and looked at Rubina with furious cat eyes.
“Do you finally know who is in charge now, or do I need to put you on a leash and take you out for a walk?”
“JOKE’S ON YOU. I’M INTO THAT.”
Unamused, Rubina tore off a receipt of the audit from her clipboard and placed it on the ground.
“As of this moment, Sun Hammer is finished. I and everyone else at the SEC will sort through the valuables and refund your clients.”
“VERY WELL, I KNOW WHEN I’M BEATEN. NOW, WHY DON’T YOU PUT THE FLUTE DOWN AS A SYMBOL OF FRIENDSHIP?”
“I have everything I need here. I’ll leave you to close up,” as she turned her back on the treasure pit and made towards the exit, Rubina heard another roar.
“YOU THINK YOU’RE SO CLEVER?! THIS ISN’T OVER!”
“It is Brendicroit; it’s time for you to shut down your bank. Now get to it,” she blew a final note into the flute.
With the sounds of hellish screeching and thrashing behind her, Rubina held onto the flute and her bag for dear life and began running. Wisps of smoke still trailed off her frazzled hair and office clothes, and she nearly crashed into Gary and Dennis when she reached the tunnel entrance.
“So, everything’s okay then?” Gary asked as she raced past them.
“Run!” she yelled as she grabbed a torch hanging from a wall and sprinted back the way they came.
Violent tremors shook the underground tunnel, and the roof looked like it was beginning to crack. Any moment, there could be a cave in. Running in the dark, Rubina could hear the sound of running and clanking armor behind her as Gary and Dennis desperately tried to catch up. She was pleased to find that her luck hadn’t run out yet, as it wasn’t difficult finding her way out; she just had to follow the trail of frantic rats and bats racing to escape. Soon, she found her way to the foot of the stone staircase.
With the other two behind her, Rubina ran up the stairs as fast as they could. Just when she thought she could see the office room light up ahead, a violent tremor caused her to stumble, but she caught herself before she could fall back downstairs to certain death.
“We’re almost there! Hurry!” Dennis yelled as Rubina tried to keep herself steady.
Debris fell from the ceiling, nearly crushing them as the rumbling grew increasingly more violent with each passing second. Finally, the trio made it to the top of the staircase and back into the office behind the vaults. Above ground wasn’t much safer—there was pandemonium breaking out in the bank lobby. A piece of the ceiling fell off and flattened an ATM in a shower of sparks and crushed metal. No one in the bank, much less Moorseville, was used to an earthquake, so there was mass confusion and hysteria as everyone tried to find safety. Everyone, customers and tellers alike, stampeded out of Sun Hammer with Rubina, Gary, and Dennis trailing behind.
Outside, a large crowd had gathered—it seemed like everyone in Mooresville was drawn to the chaos like ants to a picnic. Everyone watched in awe as cracks grew all along the stone walls and red cobblestone roof. It was only after the last straggler made it outside that the bank began rocking back and forth. Then, like a fragile glass statue, the beautiful stone building began to collapse.
One after the next, each of the bank’s marble pillars broke and crumbled to the ground in a loud crash. People gasped as the golden chalice in the colorful stained-glass window shattered into a rainbow explosion of glass shards as the bank’s roof caved in. All anyone could do was dodge the raining glass and watch as the mighty bank fell, leaving behind nothing but a mushroom cloud of dust. Once the dust settled, Rubina brushed herself off and walked to the front of the bank’s ruins, trying to look professional.
“I suppose you all have some questions,” Rubina called out.
“It’s gone. It’s all gone,” Gary said in a disbelieving daze. One of the lenses of his glasses had popped out.
“Ah, screw this; I’m going back to being a maitre-dee.“ Dennis Pepper, professional obstacle, tossed his sword and armor to the ground and faded into the crowd.
“I can imagine this is all very shocking, and I apologize for eradicating your jobs, but the SEC will ensure that Sun Hammer provides severance packages. Once we have a team recover everything from the pit, everyone with an account at Sun Hammer will be refunded in full.”
As soon as she said that, a surging roar came from the crater.
In a fiery blaze, a wall of hellfire burst from the crater. Then, just as suddenly, a gigantic fire-breathing lizard rocketed out from the flames like a demon from hell. Some people screamed and fled while others stood around in astonishment, taking photos on their phone. The winged nightmare was still yelling and cursing in a dark forbidden language as it soared off far away towards the cloudy mountains.
Getting her wits together, Rubina tried not to throw up then and there. She had shut down Sun Hammer and delivered a warning to Brendicroit. She would have been feeling much more triumphant if not for the looming thought of everything she would have to include in her final report on the audit. A moment ago, she had humiliated a creature older than humanity, like it was nothing, and now she was anxious about some paperwork. Standing there amongst the horrified and awed crowd in her extra-crispy suit, near hyperventilating from the chaos of that morning, she was beginning to feel light headed, when suddenly she heard a voice.
“Jesus Christ is that a fucking dragon?! That’s the most insane—hey, are you all right?” She turned and saw that it was Cliff, the handsome adventurer, with the Ruby Parrot still in his grip.
“Fine—I’m fine—fine. Just a little overworked,” her trembling body stumbled forward.
“Careful!” he caught Rubina as she stumbled.
“My God, you’re shaking like a leaf. Come on, let’s get you out of here.”
“Whiskey would be nice. Also, I’m Rubina,” deliriously she stuck out her shaking hand.
“My name’s Cliff, and I’m supposed to hightail it out of here, but I think I’ve got time for a drink,” he smiled, tucking the priceless bird into his backpack and gently led her away from the noise of the crowd and oncoming police sirens.
Another audit completed, she thought to herself satisfied.
Together they made their way through the frenzy of startled onlookers and walked towards the nearest bar. They could still hear the inhuman roar gradually growing fainter in the sky, but eventually, they stopped paying attention.
About the Author: Pat O’Malley is not just your ordinary walking skin machine, somehow manages to write in his spare time. Hailing from the sunny, morbid land of Long Island, Pat loves to write the kind of quirky, weird and exciting fiction that he and his friends would love to read.
This post has already been read 3106 times!
Loved this story! Always had that sneaking suspicion about banks 🙂
One question – does the SEC run banks or just the stock market?
Can’t wait to see Brendicroit’s next move!
Fun and funny. Wish the SEC was always this effective.